One of the things that I have been struggling with is liking myself, and being kind to myself. It’s a topic I first introduced here and I don’t feel I’ve finished exploring it yet. Then I came across this recent campaign by Dove; the video started going the rounds last week and has now racked up over 21.5 million watches (accurate at the time of writing). If you haven’t seen it, the first thing to do is take a look and take a moment to register your own reaction:

What do you think?

Seemingly there has been a mixed reaction to the campaign; the comment thread on the Dove site for the campaign makes interesting reading. There’s also a version with men instead of women:

OK – I tricked you a little with that one – it definitely made me giggle!

Behind the original version and the parody, there is actually a serious point. Research shows that young women tend to think of themselves as worse-looking than they really are, while young men tend to think of themselves as better looking than they really are (though maybe not to the extent shown in the parody).

This is not a new study; it goes all the way back to 2003 (see the Guardian link below for the full details) and actually we replicated the results in my Psychology class during my degree. That’s 10 years ago. The question is, has anything really changed since then? I’m still working out how to like myself (most days) and feel confident in me as a whole person, including all the different dimensions of me and the complexity that brings. I do find that Simon’s words still help me when I’m having a bad day – “It’s not about me, it’s about us.”

What about you?

Links:

1. Huffington Post’s Overview of the mixed reactions to the campaign: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/04/22/dove-real-beauty-sketches-reactions-parody-video-blog-critics_n_3130929.html

2. Heather Long’s perspective at the Guardian: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/apr/20/dove-real-beauty-sketches-ad-women-perfection

3. The comment thread on the Dove site (scroll down to view): http://realbeautysketches.dove.com/

As the campaign for Misfit Fargo begins, I am already taking the gloves off, talking to more people about what we’re doing and how this campaign fits in, and holding myself more accountable. I had a great conversation with Adelina from Presenting Good Practice who wanted to know more about what I will learn at the Conference, so I thought I’d share my reflections of my response. Danger Lou would definitely not be afraid to put her thoughts on tape. Cue VT…

Here’s what I committed to in my successful application:

Tell us a little about yourself

Three years ago, five of us, all either at risk of redundancy or just wanting a change, wanting something different, started to come together once a month over a  shared meal. We called ourselves the Change the World Gang. Ambitious, hey?

We started with each other, supporting each other through this time of transition. A few months later, I’d started a new job and then almost immediately quit and had really bad whiplash from a car accident. Since then, I’ve been on an incredible journey. I co-founded this not-for-profit, The You Can Hub, with fellow Change the Worlders. Together, we have helped over 300 people in Cambridgeshire to cycle, many of whom thought they couldn’t, or hadn’t cycled for a very long time. It started Small, with one person – Aaran, who couldn’t cycle a two wheeled bike.

I was pretty proud of what we’d achieved. Then in October my dad was diagnosed with brain tumours. He died seven months later, two days before I turned 30. It totally shifted my perspective. What I’ve done so far seems mediocre. This coming May, it will be the one year anniversary of my dad’s death. I will turn 31. I want to celebrate by kicking ass.

What do you hope to get from Misfit Conf: Fargo?

I want to reveal my inner superhero – Danger Lou. We’ve made a little dink in the Universe. It’s time to look at the dink and see how it could become a dent. Enterprise in the UK is obsessed with scale. I don’t want to “scale up” what we’ve been doing at You Can. I want to look at what is Small about what we’ve done so far, and see where to go from here. I want to push past the shame and celebrate, get more confident in my voice and not censor myself… I want to take the gloves off! I want to return to Cambridge ready to start a (Small) revolution. I know that I’m making choices that are safe right now. I acknowledge the value in being aware of that. I want to come back from Fargo dangerous, and contagious.

Why support me? Because you’re just like me – figuring things out, finding your feet in the world, wanting to earn a living and make a difference, wanting to create a new definition of success for yourself. The skills that I will learn aren’t part of any degree course or Adult Learning course – they’re not on the school curriculum. I’m writing my own curriculum now, based on learning from Scott Dinsmore, Chris Guillebeau, Leo Babauta, and Andrea Scher. Scott Dinsmore who has built a career around what excites him and is busy creating a community of people who all want to do the same. Chris Guillebeau who recently completed his mission to visit all of the countries in the world and is the instigator of the World Domination Summit. Leo Babauta who focuses on doing less, not more. Andrea Scher who is honest about the support she needs to function, and creates treasure hunts and transformational learning about dreaming. And, of course, A J Leon, the creator and organiser of Misfit Conf, who cancelled his first bookdeal and crowdfunded a truly independent book project. Do you want to lead an unconventional life? Take the road less travelled? Have a working life that feels more like a holiday? Do you want to write your own curriculum?

The real question is – do you want to experience Contagious Danger? Catch the Danger Virus yourself? What would your dangerous alter ego be capable of?

If the button above doesn’t work for you, go straight to this link: http://localgiving.com/charity/youcanhub

Recently the amazing Vanessa Chase over at Philanthropy for All  shared a most incredible Ted talk by Amanda Palmer on the art of asking. I invite you to watch it and share your thoughts and experiences of asking.

What stands out to me in this video? She asks for help. She asks frequently. She isn’t ashamed. And she receives help, thanks people, and connects with them.

She speaks about the direct connection that you get with people through asking and receiving. That asking for help is not a shameful thing, nor is it a one way relationship. She tells stories of using the internet and tools like Twitter to enable this. How they give her fans the abilities to help her out with advice, food, and so much more and to feel valuable in return.

Is this fair?

Amanda gives the example of couchsurfing with a family who slept on their couches so that she and her band could take the beds. ‘Is this fair?’ she asked herself – and the response is incredible. In the morning, the mom thanks her for the music she sings, as it has truly helped her daughter. She thanks her for choosing their house to sleep in. The act of accepting help from this family was accepting a thank you. It was saying to them that they are incredible. Amanda and her band got a bed for the night but that family, they got just as much, if not more.

Independence, by flickr user dougtone

An obsession with Independence

And yet, so often people seem ashamed to ask for help, worried that we will be putting someone out, that they will only say yes because they feel they have to. And receiving help is often even harder. We seem to have a culture of independence first whenever possible – ‘no thanks, I can do that myself’. And yet, we seem to be avoiding the well known fact that the world, and all of us within it, are interdependent – we depend on each other. We forget that asking for help can in fact be a gift to that other person. By asking we are saying ‘I trust you and you have something of incredible value to me – you are important and valuable’. And then they give….and they feel good.

Why do people give their time, money, skills, food, beds etc? – Why wouldn’t we?                                                                                       When we give, we feel good….so we give more. 

With this in mind, by not asking for help (and showing much gratitude when it is given) do we not deprive people of the most amazing feeling in the world – to feel good about themselves?

What would happen if we starting asking everyone for help – even those who life has given an abundance of challenges?

And now let’s relate this to people ‘experiencing disadvantage’. Maybe they have a low income, a disability, mental illness, or have just had a rough time in life. How much do we ask them for help? We give it, yes, but when do we ask for it? ‘These people have so little, is it fair to ask?’. But by not asking what are we saying to them? Are we not inadvertently saying ‘you don’t have anything to give, you are not valuable’?

Asking is not begging – it’s about community

Begging is when we ask for something for ‘those poor people’. You give because you feel bad for someone, because you feel you have more than them and want to share. The feel good factor is not an even street.

Asking is different. It is about asking someone to share their valuable skills, resources, etc. Asking is an opportunity for both parties. Asking is about community. Each and every one of us asking, receiving and giving. All of us feeling good for it.

Why we are not a charity

In our Check It Out Team, everyone gives and receives

Unfortunately, often charities are associated with the begging definition above. We at The You Can Hub have purposely decided not to be a charity for this very reason. We feel uncomfortable with concept of asking or giving out of pity. We want to do things differently. We value community and believe that together, anything is possible. We believe that everyone can live a life we love but that to achieve this, we need to work together. We need to ask for help, give help, receive help and be extremely grateful for this whole cycle. We believe that everyone has something of value, something to give and that everyone needs a bit of help to get over life’s challenges. We are not us and them….we are just us.

We are always looking for new and wonderful ways to fund our work. So, slowly we are learning the art of asking. We are setting up crowdfunding tools like localgiving, experimenting with different campaigns and recently we have even started playing with a Give What You Like model with some our consultancy work.

Agree? Intrigued? Join us!

So we invite you to help us, join us. We want to connect with you. You are valuable. Your community needs you. And in return you will get smiles, and laughs and big high fives and thank you’s to no end…and we will help you feel comfortable with asking for help when you need it too. You give, you feel. You get, you feel. And isn’t feeling good what life is really all about?

Three years ago, we started something amazing with a small group of incredible people. There were five of us, all either at risk of redundancy, wanting a change, wanting something different. So, we came together once a month over a shared meal and called ourselves the Change the World Gang. We had big ambitions but we didn’t start with the world. We started small, with each other – supporting each other through a time of transition. Since then, we co-founded this very out of the ordinary not-for-profit.

If you know The You Can Hub, you know that we’re not your usual not-for-profit. That last year our first birthday involved making superhero capes. That most of us are overly fond of ginger beer, we share our secrets and our meetings often involve talk of The Hulk and Mission Impossible. That our registered address is the local community pub where the villagers came together to save it from closure and are now the shareholders – and where my husband and I held the music festival part of our wedding last year (and got shares in the pub as a wedding gift). You’ll know that we have passion and purpose and that we’re working out how to live a life we love while helping you figure it out too. That we include people who are excluded elsewhere and emphasize the power of community, connections and ‘doing’ together. That we look for the impossible and work out how to make it possible.

This Spring, I have been offered an incredible opportunity. I have been invited to join 29 other people who think like we do and to gain a whole host of new knowledge and skills at the Misfits Conference in Fargo. It’s ‘a tiny conference about making a huge dent in the universe’. With topics like The Economics of Crazy and Writing Your Own Revolution, I’m fairly sure I’m going to come back a changed person – revealing my inner super hero, Danger Lou. Check out my successful application here: Lou Misfits Conf Application 

This is where I get to be vulnerable. To make it there, I need your help. This is my impossible – I can’t do it without you. Think of it like enabling a huge amount of inspiration that will come back to you through post-event blog and video posts, in person socials and so much more.

Will you help me to reveal my inner superhero, and come back from Fargo dangerous and contagious? If you read my application, you’ll know that 30 seems to be a pretty important number to me right now. So I’m looking for 30 people to back this Misfit-Adventure by donating just £50. I want to be able to know you all by name and either physically / virtually give you a hand shake.

Will you be one of the thirty? Contact us as soon as possible if you want to be one of the 30 – use our contact form (scroll down) and put “Hell yeah Danger Lou!” at the start of your comment or tweet us @youcanhub with the hashtags #dangerlou #imin. I can’t wait to hear from you! Check out the full low down on the Misfit Conference here: http://aj-leon.com/misfit-conf/ Oh, and thanks to Danger Mouse for the inspiration! Watch out for more posts from me on revealing my inner super hero coming soon…

What would it mean to reveal your inner super hero?

**Update** There is now a donation link available here for you to make your donation directly. And if you’re a UK taxpayer, you have the added benefit of Giftaid! Click the button… and make sure to include the message “Hell Yeah Danger Lou” with your donation!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5-zAh-ERV4&feature=youtu.be]

The first step to meeting the challenge of change is to start liking yourself. To do that, stop thinking in terms of “you”, and start thinking in terms of “us”. Together we’re strong, apart we’re weak.

– Simon Weston – pictured at the end of the video

I find that quote amazing in and of itself. I also find that quote amazing because when we explored the meaning of “impossible” in our You Can Check It Out team meeting, this same theme came up.

Having someone else helps. Someone to reassure you. Someone who shares your interest. Maybe someone who’s trying to do what you’re doing too, and exploring similar goals. Maybe someone who’s done it before and can show you some of the smaller steps.

When we think about “Us,” everything seems easier. So how about it. Fancy joining us?

Note: I got to hear Simon speak because I’m currently being seconded to the Realife Trust for a Vodafone World of Difference placement – which you can keep up to date with here: Vodafone World of Difference.

About a month ago, we posted a thought. An idea. Well, a question, really – are you good for something? There was a great piece on Radio 4 today about hacks and what they can achieve (scroll to 2 hours, 20 minutes in) and this seemed like a timely prompt for an update!

We’ve already teamed up with a web developer and a usability designer who are interested in helping to co-organise a Good for Nothing here in Cambridge and we’ll be meeting up over the next few weeks to start to make a plan of how it will work. We’re still looking for a co-organiser who specialises in Design and / or Communications. You can see the full job description and details in the previous post. If this is you, then – what are you waiting for?! Please get in touch on twitter and think about coming along to meet some of us at our social in March. If you know someone who fits the bill, please gift this information to them!

We’ve also had the first brave peeps sign up to express their interest in taking part in some hacks. Are you ready to join them? If so, sign up to this mailing list and you’ll get the latest info as and when we get it:

I wrote a poem today – for the first time since I was 16. I don’t ‘do’ poetry. It feels silly. I don’t follow any ‘right’ way. I don’t think it’s worthy of others reading. That’s why I don’t do poetry – or so my head tells me. 

And yet, as I sat on my bed, with my laptop to hand, I just started writing. It wasn’t meant to be a poem. So let’s stop calling it that. It’s a story. A story of vulnerability, exhilaration, frustration. It’s a story of feeling, of the reality I’m living. Yes, ‘a story’ – that’s better. 

And with my inner critic kicking and screaming (she’s the opposite of the one who took over below, we’ll meet her another time), I am going to share this with you. Why? Because I believe in the power of vulnerability, of honesty. It has the power to bring people together, to connect. 

Why does this terrify me? Because I’m a ‘Director of The You Can Hub’. I’m supposed to be someone that ‘knows’. Someone that’s figured it out already. Someone who knows exactly what it is that makes them tick. Right?

But here’s the honest truth: I don’t know either. Well, sometimes I think I do, but more often I convince myself that I don’t. But what’s so wrong with that? We’re all human… and really, no one knows. No one knows truly, fully, everything that it is that makes them feel alive. 

So, Hi. I’m Mel, and I’m human. I’m figuring it out too. And it’s a hell of an adventure. One that I’d much prefer to do with you. So if the above or the below resonates with you, (and I hope it does… I’m pretty sure it does, at least with some of you…) then I’d love to hear your story too.  

Shhh It’s a secret 

Shh, it’s a secret.

I’m not sure what, but it is.

I can’t quite put my finger on it…

But please don’t tell.

Mini cheeky Mel

There’s something inside of me. A small child gleefully, playfully keeping it to herself.

The secret to what makes me come alive.

That thing that I have always wanted to do.

But I don’t know what it is. Sometimes, she whispers it

Or gives me a crooked grin

Sometimes I think I can maybe, just maybe, grab ahold of it, touch it, just with my pinky.

And then she pulls it away

giggling,

laughing,

loving to play hard to get.

I will catch you silly girl.

Each time that you let part of the secret slip,

I will catch it in a net!

And you?

You will let me

Because really, you want me to.

You want me to be in on it. You want me to shout it from the rooftops!

But you know that

if you say it all at once,

I won’t listen.

I’ll run for the hills.

I won’t tell anyone because, well, it’s impossible.

I can’t be truly happy. Fully content. Think how silly I would look. Think how silly that would be.

But if you share it with me, drip by drip, it will start to click.

Without even knowing it, I’ll start testing it out.

Seeing if it’s possible to live that life,

to feel alive.

And one day, I will catch you

you silly girl.

And my life will fill with laughter and glee

As you take it over

Pushing down all of those inner critics

You. will. be. triumphant!

And together,

We will shout it from the rooftops

You’ll see.

Are you a creator, tinkerer, or do-er of some sort? Do you like ideas and having fun? Are you well-connected in your area and do you know how to reach out to different networks? Are you ok with blagging stuff and do you like getting things done?

If so, You Can Hub needs you!

What are you on about?

We’re looking for potential co-organisers of a Cambridge group of Good for Nothing-ers – smart folk who would love to get the creative and tech communities of Cambridge collaborating for social good. Cambridge is a rich source of creative and tech types as evidenced by the sheer number of networking groups on these topics alone – which I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, as you probably go to most of them! We think it’s time these groups combined forces with the social innovators and change makers of Cambridge to get stuff done. Good for Nothing brings together creatives, tech experts and social innovators to collaborate on challenges with social goals. Challenges have clear specific outcomes, such as a web interface of video that supports a specific campaign that the social innovator is working on e.g. putting together a video that communicates the idea, such as the video that was made for DoNation, or putting together materials that will attract more corporate partnership for Only Connect at Future Youth.

Good for Nothing put it like this:

Good for Nothing is a community of thinkers, do-ers, makers and tinkerers applying their skills and energy to accelerate the work of cause-led innovators and change makers; it’s about diverse groups of people collaborating together, working in new, faster, fun and better ways by supporting ideas and people that are leading the way to what a flourishing 21st century society might look like.

If you still need convincing, here’s a little movie that explains a bit more:

Right, I’m on board. Who are you looking for?

We need at least three co-organisers in total:

1. someone with strengths in coding and tech
2. someone with strengths in design and communications
3. someone with strengths in social innovation and sustainability

One of those sounds like me…What do you want me to do?

If you’re interested in getting involved and you want to know more, come along to the You Can Hub Pub Social on 12th February. It will be an opportunity to meet everyone interested and chat through the idea and next steps some more. We can’t wait to see you there!

I’m interested in the idea but I don’t want to co-organise. Let me know when you’ve got a challenge ready and I can just rock up and do my thing.

No problem! Sign up to this mailing list and you’ll get the latest info as and when we get it.

Today we were due to have our first You Can Check It Out meeting of 2013; however, it snowed. And snowed and snowed and snowed. Half of our team were snowed in so we decided to postpone today’s meeting. I thought this was a great opportunity to review our last meeting here, as we talked about some pretty juicy stuff.

We started with a word. “Impossible.” What does it mean? We found this really hard at first; we could think of films like Mission Impossible and The Hulk!

An example helped. “What if I told you I didn’t have any legs?” Straight away Tracy said, “It would be impossible, you wouldn’t be able to walk.” “What if I told you I was going to climb a mountain, on my hands?” “Impossible!”

Then ideas started to flow. “I find it really hard to say no to take-aways.” “I find it really hard to lose weight.” “I find it really hard to communicate with people.” “… to make healthy choices…” “…to go to the shops…” We found that everyone’s impossible is different.

We soon realised that even though there were things we think of as really hard, there were also examples of us doing these things. “I did a presentation.” “I’ve lost weight.” “I went out to the shops for the first time the other week!” We started to talk about what had made these things possible, and we came up with the list. I thought it would be great to share this learning with you!

How to Make the Impossible Possible:

• Break it down into smaller pieces – little steps are easier!
• Take your time
• Make sure that you don’t feel under any pressure
• Plan a reward at the end – something you really enjoy and that you find easy
• Trust that it gets easier over time
• Keep practicing! Keep trying!

We also felt that having someone else helps…

• For reassurance
• Someone with you who believes in you
• Someone with you who shares your interest – or bring people in who share the same interest!
• Someone who has done it before – who can show you the smaller steps

At the end of the session, we watched this film: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-18508243

What do you think of the film? Are there any examples you notice from our list? What are the ways that you help yourself, when you’re working on something that feels hard or impossible?

Our Impossible Prompts from yesterday’s social

Yesterday we had our first social of 2013. Following on from our amazing conversations at our last Check It Out Team meeting about what the word “Impossible” means (thoughts to follow in a later post) we decided to start the year by setting ourselves an “impossible” – or at least exploring the idea! We had some prompts to help us (and some “Time for Review” inspired by our previous blog post).

We found that people have lots of different dreams and hopes and our conversation came around to the question “why?”

Why do you want to do that?

 

It’s just something I’ve always wanted to do.

People felt that things seemed much more impossible if they weren’t sure why they wanted to do them. And sometimes they knew the reason, but they didn’t feel very interested in it.

This reminded me of a conversation I had last year with a UX designer, who said he was “bored of making apps full of kittens to sell cat food.” The “Why” here is clear – to sell cat food. But this “Why” was clearly not of interest to the person I was talking to.

Enter Good for Nothing. This fabulous crew bring together all sorts of creatives including techies, designers, illustrators and projects that are working towards social aims (or as they put it, “thinkers, do-ers, makers and tinkerers”). The social aims include sustainable food, smart energy, community, youth… and more. Something for everyone! Check out their video:

Good for Nothing started in London, and there are now other versions hatching across the UK. Nothing in Cambridge yet though… so time for a crucial question. What do you think of a Good for Nothing in Cambridge? Would you join us to form a crew? Would you be a thinker, do-er, maker or tinkerer? Would you be a cause-led innovator or change-maker? Let us know in the comments below, or tell us over on Twitter.

**UPDATE** If you are interested please come to our social in February: http://youcanfeb2013-eorg.eventbrite.com/

If you’d like to read more about the importance of Why, see this TED talk from Simon Sinek on the Golden Circle:

Let us know what you think!