Posts tagged courage

Recently the amazing Vanessa Chase over at Philanthropy for All  shared a most incredible Ted talk by Amanda Palmer on the art of asking. I invite you to watch it and share your thoughts and experiences of asking.

What stands out to me in this video? She asks for help. She asks frequently. She isn’t ashamed. And she receives help, thanks people, and connects with them.

She speaks about the direct connection that you get with people through asking and receiving. That asking for help is not a shameful thing, nor is it a one way relationship. She tells stories of using the internet and tools like Twitter to enable this. How they give her fans the abilities to help her out with advice, food, and so much more and to feel valuable in return.

Is this fair?

Amanda gives the example of couchsurfing with a family who slept on their couches so that she and her band could take the beds. ‘Is this fair?’ she asked herself – and the response is incredible. In the morning, the mom thanks her for the music she sings, as it has truly helped her daughter. She thanks her for choosing their house to sleep in. The act of accepting help from this family was accepting a thank you. It was saying to them that they are incredible. Amanda and her band got a bed for the night but that family, they got just as much, if not more.

Independence, by flickr user dougtone

An obsession with Independence

And yet, so often people seem ashamed to ask for help, worried that we will be putting someone out, that they will only say yes because they feel they have to. And receiving help is often even harder. We seem to have a culture of independence first whenever possible – ‘no thanks, I can do that myself’. And yet, we seem to be avoiding the well known fact that the world, and all of us within it, are interdependent – we depend on each other. We forget that asking for help can in fact be a gift to that other person. By asking we are saying ‘I trust you and you have something of incredible value to me – you are important and valuable’. And then they give….and they feel good.

Why do people give their time, money, skills, food, beds etc? – Why wouldn’t we?                                                                                       When we give, we feel good….so we give more. 

With this in mind, by not asking for help (and showing much gratitude when it is given) do we not deprive people of the most amazing feeling in the world – to feel good about themselves?

What would happen if we starting asking everyone for help – even those who life has given an abundance of challenges?

And now let’s relate this to people ‘experiencing disadvantage’. Maybe they have a low income, a disability, mental illness, or have just had a rough time in life. How much do we ask them for help? We give it, yes, but when do we ask for it? ‘These people have so little, is it fair to ask?’. But by not asking what are we saying to them? Are we not inadvertently saying ‘you don’t have anything to give, you are not valuable’?

Asking is not begging – it’s about community

Begging is when we ask for something for ‘those poor people’. You give because you feel bad for someone, because you feel you have more than them and want to share. The feel good factor is not an even street.

Asking is different. It is about asking someone to share their valuable skills, resources, etc. Asking is an opportunity for both parties. Asking is about community. Each and every one of us asking, receiving and giving. All of us feeling good for it.

Why we are not a charity

In our Check It Out Team, everyone gives and receives

Unfortunately, often charities are associated with the begging definition above. We at The You Can Hub have purposely decided not to be a charity for this very reason. We feel uncomfortable with concept of asking or giving out of pity. We want to do things differently. We value community and believe that together, anything is possible. We believe that everyone can live a life we love but that to achieve this, we need to work together. We need to ask for help, give help, receive help and be extremely grateful for this whole cycle. We believe that everyone has something of value, something to give and that everyone needs a bit of help to get over life’s challenges. We are not us and them….we are just us.

We are always looking for new and wonderful ways to fund our work. So, slowly we are learning the art of asking. We are setting up crowdfunding tools like localgiving, experimenting with different campaigns and recently we have even started playing with a Give What You Like model with some our consultancy work.

Agree? Intrigued? Join us!

So we invite you to help us, join us. We want to connect with you. You are valuable. Your community needs you. And in return you will get smiles, and laughs and big high fives and thank you’s to no end…and we will help you feel comfortable with asking for help when you need it too. You give, you feel. You get, you feel. And isn’t feeling good what life is really all about?

Three years ago, we started something amazing with a small group of incredible people. There were five of us, all either at risk of redundancy, wanting a change, wanting something different. So, we came together once a month over a shared meal and called ourselves the Change the World Gang. We had big ambitions but we didn’t start with the world. We started small, with each other – supporting each other through a time of transition. Since then, we co-founded this very out of the ordinary not-for-profit.

If you know The You Can Hub, you know that we’re not your usual not-for-profit. That last year our first birthday involved making superhero capes. That most of us are overly fond of ginger beer, we share our secrets and our meetings often involve talk of The Hulk and Mission Impossible. That our registered address is the local community pub where the villagers came together to save it from closure and are now the shareholders – and where my husband and I held the music festival part of our wedding last year (and got shares in the pub as a wedding gift). You’ll know that we have passion and purpose and that we’re working out how to live a life we love while helping you figure it out too. That we include people who are excluded elsewhere and emphasize the power of community, connections and ‘doing’ together. That we look for the impossible and work out how to make it possible.

This Spring, I have been offered an incredible opportunity. I have been invited to join 29 other people who think like we do and to gain a whole host of new knowledge and skills at the Misfits Conference in Fargo. It’s ‘a tiny conference about making a huge dent in the universe’. With topics like The Economics of Crazy and Writing Your Own Revolution, I’m fairly sure I’m going to come back a changed person – revealing my inner super hero, Danger Lou. Check out my successful application here: Lou Misfits Conf Application 

This is where I get to be vulnerable. To make it there, I need your help. This is my impossible – I can’t do it without you. Think of it like enabling a huge amount of inspiration that will come back to you through post-event blog and video posts, in person socials and so much more.

Will you help me to reveal my inner superhero, and come back from Fargo dangerous and contagious? If you read my application, you’ll know that 30 seems to be a pretty important number to me right now. So I’m looking for 30 people to back this Misfit-Adventure by donating just £50. I want to be able to know you all by name and either physically / virtually give you a hand shake.

Will you be one of the thirty? Contact us as soon as possible if you want to be one of the 30 – use our contact form (scroll down) and put “Hell yeah Danger Lou!” at the start of your comment or tweet us @youcanhub with the hashtags #dangerlou #imin. I can’t wait to hear from you! Check out the full low down on the Misfit Conference here: http://aj-leon.com/misfit-conf/ Oh, and thanks to Danger Mouse for the inspiration! Watch out for more posts from me on revealing my inner super hero coming soon…

What would it mean to reveal your inner super hero?

**Update** There is now a donation link available here for you to make your donation directly. And if you’re a UK taxpayer, you have the added benefit of Giftaid! Click the button… and make sure to include the message “Hell Yeah Danger Lou” with your donation!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5-zAh-ERV4&feature=youtu.be]

The first step to meeting the challenge of change is to start liking yourself. To do that, stop thinking in terms of “you”, and start thinking in terms of “us”. Together we’re strong, apart we’re weak.

– Simon Weston – pictured at the end of the video

I find that quote amazing in and of itself. I also find that quote amazing because when we explored the meaning of “impossible” in our You Can Check It Out team meeting, this same theme came up.

Having someone else helps. Someone to reassure you. Someone who shares your interest. Maybe someone who’s trying to do what you’re doing too, and exploring similar goals. Maybe someone who’s done it before and can show you some of the smaller steps.

When we think about “Us,” everything seems easier. So how about it. Fancy joining us?

Note: I got to hear Simon speak because I’m currently being seconded to the Realife Trust for a Vodafone World of Difference placement – which you can keep up to date with here: Vodafone World of Difference.

It’s the New Year. Phew! We’re now a couple of weeks into this first month of 2013 and after the initial rush of Happy New Year’s, some of the Christmas sparkle has started to fade. January – one long post-Christmas hangover, but seemingly not, at least, the home of the most depressing day of the year.

New Year is the traditional time for setting resolutions. Maybe you prefer to set intentions, or goals. But I’m betting you already know what your impossible is. You know, that dream, the one that seems so intangible, so far off, and yet so inherently attractive to you, you know in your gut or your heart that you have to realise it, if you could only let yourself.

“If you could only let yourself.” Because often when we allow ourselves to think of these  dreams, when they sneak and filter their way into our conscious, what is our usual reaction? We shut them away, file them away… “that’s impossible!” “I’ll never be able to change my career / live in a treehouse / find a way to combine my passion with earning a living.” Cynicism, skepticism, the inner critic, “Reality” – whatever you want to call it, it pops up to make sure we shelve those dreams for another day.

I looked up Cynicism in the thesaurus. I found Sentimentality. I looked up Cynical in the thesaurus, and I found Naive. These words conjure up a sense of being disconnected from reality, daydreaming, not to be taken seriously. My inner critic started to have a field day. I needed to find some different words…

I moved on. I looked up Skepticism in the thesaurus. And now I found Believing, Devotion, Undoubting. And I realised that I often suspend my disbelief – whenever I watch a film. And it’s so easy! So these are words that I choose for 2013. Believing, Devotion, Undoubting. What is more real than knowing what I’m aiming for, and how I can share it and let others in, and believing in it? Let this year be a year of possibilities… and the action steps that accompany them.

If you’d like to get started setting your intentions or goals for 2013, here are some great resources:

1. Try a “Year in Review” of 2012 using this great post from Jenn Lee
2. There’s an alternative, more left-brain approach to reviewing and planning in this extensive post from The Art of Non-Conformity’s Chris Guillebeau
3. If you like to be walked and talked through the steps, try this New Year’s Ritual from Andrea Scher of Superhero Journal

If you want to invest in your dreams this year, check out Andrea Scher’s Mondo Beyondo class – it’s all about dreaming big! Maybe see you over there…

What’s your impossible for 2013? How will you give yourself permission to suspend your disbelief? And what is your first smallest step to turning your impossible into possible? Please share in the comments below!

I can’t express the emotion that this video evokes in me. The name Gen Why says it all. We are a generation that questions the world. That asks why things have to be the way they are. As the video says, “it is foolish to assume that my generation is apathetic and lathargic.”

Read further down Gen Why’s Story page and you will see that they started from a discussion over coffee (like us! Though it was tea…) about generational theory, where every four generations a ‘hero generation’ is born. Is that us? Is that what we are doing now? With all the negative press that the young ones get these days, is it the younger generation who are in fact inspiring the ones before…saying it doesn’t have to be this way?

“But I can change the world and I refuse to believe that I am a part of the lost generation.”

Sentences are impossible: Raw. Passion. Commitment. Determination. Sacrifices.

Discuss…

… and see more of the amazing Mickey Smith here. #feelthelove

“We are going to make an invisible bike helmet.”

Think about the reaction in the room when someone first said this out loud. What do you think this was?

– “Sure, go for it!”

– “Hey, where do I make my investment?”

– “Sign me up for your first product launch!”

Somehow, I don’t think this was the first reaction…

Take a look at this movie, which I found over on Brene Brown’s blog, Ordinary Courage:

This is one of the most amazing things I have ever seen, watching this story unfold before my eyes, and having my breath taken away at the end. The courage and determination of these women is exemplary and inspirational all at the same time.

“Easy, only took us seven years!”

“We’ve been good at raising venture capital. Ten million dollars”

“Once a man wanted to tell a story about female managers. Get a rooster, and there will be order!”

“If people say it’s impossible, then we have to prove them wrong”

“Creating an invisible bicycle helmet, people said it was impossible. If we can do that, we can do anything”

These are all incredible statements, in their own way, and spoken with such assurance and humility. How would you motivate yourself to achieve “the impossible”?

When was the last time someone told you, “that’s impossible!”? What did you do?

I can’t wait until my breath is taken away like this again! If you have any similarly inspiring stories of the impossible becoming possible, please post them here.

My long-time partner / newly wed husband joined an album club. This seems like a pretty old-fashioned idea; you pay a subscription, and you get sent a CD every month.  It’s also a pretty neat idea – you end up listening to music that you just might not otherwise come across. One CD that came was called Europe, by the band Allo Darlin. There is a particular lyric that is resonating with me at the moment:

“These days it’s hard not to measure by what you’ve lost,

            But what you can find”

The Letter – Allo Darlin’

• Getting married to the love of my life, my childhood sweetheart, and having the most fun it is possible to have in one day with amazing contributions from family and friends
• Music, music, music – whether it’s all the amazing new music I found at Green Man (Tuneyards, King Charles, Treetop Flyers) or seeing my new husband jamming on funk bass with his new band, the Africelts
• Resilience – my Gran had an old-fashioned, grin-and-bear-it type of resilience. My resilience is a little bit different… but there are some times when you just have to keep on going, and I found this from my Gran
• Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability – the message that courage is not about not feeling vulnerable, but that vulnerability is where your courage comes from. And the title of her blog, Ordinary Courage. This year I have really found my own vulnerability, and not run away from it
• My superpower, which is exploring opportunities, asking questions to help others gain clarity in their thinking, and see a clear way through that meets with their values and belief. How cool that I can name this now, thanks to my fab colleagues from The You Can Hub. I can’t wait to get on with the important business of sharing this strength with others, with greater awareness!
  

In these times of economic uncertainty, it’s hard not to focus on the loss – loss of jobs, loss of funding, loss of services for vulnerable groups. What do you do to counter this? What have you found lately?