This is an incredibly personal thank you from me to all of the Misfits at Misfit Con 2014. I’m unlikely to win an Oscar so you can view this as my Kate Winslet moment.
If you’re going to read on, I encourage you to read all the way to the end. If this isn’t your thing, then feel free to look away now, although I would encourage you to stay and breathe through.

Asking for help was a strong theme this year from the speakers. And this year, I had to ask for a lot of help – because of my own health condition, and because of Tracy’s anxiety. Not only did you all respond, you also helped in a myriad of other ways without even having to be asked. That means everything.

So thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It’s not possible for me to mention you all here, and there’s no way that I could possibly notice every way that you helped; that makes it even more special. For everything you did, big and small, own this gratitude. You are all awesome.

To Misfits. For caring more than any other human beings I have ever come across.

_ _ _

Tracy S – for surprising me. Every single day. And then some.

Louise B – for noticing, and knowing that the correct response was gin (maybe it’s always gin?). For running through O’Hare and alerting the gate we were on our way so we *just* made that flight home. While they said they didn’t hold the flight for us, I’m sure that they did, and your sprint made all the difference.

Gigi – also for noticing. And also for That Hug. Right when I needed it. In fact, there were at least two of those. And for making me go see 365, too, even though I was all over the place. It worked.

Jessie – for noticing. And then bringing a bagel, stat. And understanding.

Gigi and Jean – for being the best roomies. Ever.

Michael – for driving and wheelchair-sourcing and transporting. And for just getting it. And getting on with it. Such a beautiful kind heart.

Michael, Israel, Jesse – for top notch wheelchair driving, and stepping in at the drop of a hat.

Greg and family and friends – for making Dinner in the Woods supremely easy. The most beautiful of welcomes. And achieving what we have never been able to achieve. More on that separately.

Erik – for that speech, right before Lemonade Detroit, right from the heart.
And for not judging the slightly crazy lady who had to keep running off to do obscure “jobs.” And for being the greatest mo… You know the rest.

Jackie, Ria, Maisie – for sheer persistence, never giving up, and following your instincts. You played it exactly right.

Amy – for the joy, and that laugh. Own it.

Jenni and Terry – just because.

Nichole, Randi, Mark, Melissa – for handling all the random postcard requests – we got there in the end. Nichole – they made it! Thank you so much!

Deb C – for crying at the perfect moment, and giving me permission to cry, too. Which meant that I could tell Tracy just what I thought of everything she had achieved at that point. Awesome.

Jackie – for saying yes. And for painting. And painting, and painting.

Deb B – I can’t remember why. But it was definitely in Atomic Coffee, it was awesome, and it was at exactly the right time.

Katrina – for getting right on The Internets, stat.

Genie – for the space to talk about my dad. For being real.

The lady from Misfit on the plane from Fargo who told me you “gave us” your flight as you’d already missed yours – you probably still don’t know that we made it. Or that I don’t know your name.

Sukhneet and Sergio – for not being afraid to say ‘Hi’ right at the end. Some of my closest misfits are the ones I met right at the end last year. It’s never too late.

Brett and Amber – for pulling me out of my reverie. And Brett, for the honesty. Always.

Jeremy and Weston – for the randomness.

Sally – for getting it. Let’s talk more.

Nathalie – for being you.

Aaron – for the wine. And dinner. And the cute photos of your kids. It is truly an awesome thing to be your honorary sister.

Israel – for doing what you do better than anyone. And for the honesty.

Laura – for the space. And the hot chocolate.

Nelson – for the fun. So much fun. And the tea. And breakfast. And That Photo.

Photo @dewittn. Lou really loves this vending machine.

And for talking me down from the ledge. Which meant that this post happened. And for being the most generous person I have ever met. Ever.

Tracy B – for my lunch, which was perfect.

Jonathan – for That Guided Meditation. I have never felt so present before. It has never stayed with me for as long.

Jason and C.C. – for the honesty. And C.C., for that scream.

Clay – for giving us precious time at the last moment, and getting us to up our game.

Claudia – for That Opening Performance. Bring it.

The people I didn’t meet – for giving me space. It would have been too much to meet everyone and you knew that. And don’t let that stop you reaching out now, ok? You’ll know when.

AJ and Melissa – for believing. I trusted the process, trusted Misfit, trusted you. Thank you for trusting me, too.

All of you who shared the crowd-funding link, or donated, or both – thank you thank you thank you. Some of your dads donated. That’s so Misfit.

To Misfits. Who do more, feel more, care more. I love you all the more.

_ _ _

Postscript:

If you’re reading this and you weren’t at Misfit, this may make very little sense to you. Maybe it makes little sense to you, even if you were there, and you read someone else’s thank you. In a way, that’s the point; these are personal thank you’s, tied to very personal acts of kindness. My hope is that you ask for personal kindness in your own life, notice it, and acknowledge it. The reward is greater than the risk.

The Life and Times of a Remarkable Misfit is coming to Cambridge!

Not only that, but Princess of Organising Chaos over at Misfit Inc, Jessie White, has put together this awesome poster.

[gview file=”http://theyoucanhub.org.uk/files/2013/11/Misfit-Gig-Cambridge-Poster.pdf” height=”1300px” save=”0″]

Misfit friends, new or long-standing, are invited to join us – if you would like more information and a free ticket head over to our booking page!

Inviting People In

In Part One, you found out how I ended up with a ticket to a tiny conference about making a huge dent in the Universe, Misfit Conf. I had the go ahead from my team here at You Can to raise the funds to get to the conference and bring back all that amazing learning to help our community. Now I just had to… do it!

In my Misfit application, I talked about taking the gloves off and wanting to kick ass and be Danger Lou. At this point though, I really didn’t feel very confident about it. I wrote a post; note the question mark in the Danger Lou badge I designed in the picture.

There’s a funny thing about being scared. It makes us totally withdraw – that fight or flight response can be turned inward, so that we flee from the world, and fight ourselves. So I named the fear, and invited people in.

First, I asked the You Can Hub team for help to raise the funds. As soon as I asked them to help with ideas, first of all they wanted in. They wanted to help. And they said, “It’s got to be Danger Lou.” It had to involve a costume. And so, Danger Lou went from being a concept in an application form to a real character with a costume. Then Ruth’s fruit and veg box became my nemesis, the Robot of Mediocrity and the rest, as they say, is on youtube.

You might be thinking, it’s ok for you, Lou. You have a team of people around you ready and waiting to help – they already know you! What about me? Well, in the next stage of fear, I needed to ask for help from people I hadn’t met yet.

This was the first time we’ve invited donations at The You Can Hub. I was kind of blown away with the response; very quickly we had three quarters of the money I needed. Flights and accommodation were booked. This was actually happening. Was Danger Lou scared? Of course I was! I’d never been to the States before; never travelled on my own before. It was starting to freak me out. So, I had another thought – invite people in. And I recorded it.

I posted in the conference group. And it turned out there was someone there waiting for me to ask.

There was someone else on the same flight.

I met with Deborah at Heathrow; we shared breakfast and went to the boarding gate together, then met up again in Chicago. And it turned out my challenges weren’t done because a huge thunderstorm hit Chicago just as we were due to make our connection to Fargo. Our flight was cancelled and we had to stay overnight. Putting that post in the conference group was the best decision I ever made; it meant that I had someone to stay with and share the evening with during our unscheduled overnight in Chicago. And now, I’ve made a friend for life.

Here’s my challenge for you:

• What is scaring you at the moment? What are you struggling with?
• Who can you invite in?

There are a few key pointers that help when you’re making the invite:

1. Be open and friendly
2. Be specific about what you’re inviting the person to – give details
3. Be clear about who you’re looking for
4. Be clear about who you are and why you’re asking

Let me know how you get on! In my next post, the final one in this series, I’ll be sharing how I think the conference changed me!

Excited to read the next step? Sign up for our mailing list to get a heads up when the next post is up – straight into your inbox!

You can make a donation to support our work by clicking here.

You can also listen to me talking about Danger Lou on the social media show #TSMShow with Ann Hawkins and Eric Swain – and the great thing is my friend Martyn Sibley, whose nonchalant tweet led me to finding out about conference, features on the show too! Click the link!

On Throwing Your Hat into the Ring

Three weeks ago, on 4th June, I’d just got back from Fargo, North Dakota, for Misfit Conf – a tiny conference about making a huge dent in the Universe. I wasn’t supposed to have been there. This is how it happened.

Back in April this year, I was having a tough time. A year ago, my dad died two days before my 30th birthday in May. It was coming up to the one year anniversary of my dad’s death, and my 31st birthday. I wasn’t sure how to handle it; I just knew I felt pretty grumpy and emotional all the time. People kept asking me, what do you want to do for your birthday? And I couldn’t really answer. I didn’t want to do anything. I wanted to tell everyone to get lost. I wanted to find a cave to hide out in.

My dad at my wedding in July last year, two months after his death

In the past weeks and months, I’d been playing a lot with stories. I’d gained confidence with video and storytelling. And I was browsing Twitter one day when I saw my friend @martynsibley tweeting with someone called @ajleon. I followed the Twitter trail, as you do, and before I knew it I was reading a post all about the Power of Small (which you can read here).

It resonated.

A lot.

Especially in the world of social enterprise in the UK, when it seems that one of the first questions people ask you is, “Is it scalable?” (usually right after, “How are you funded?)

One thing led to another and I ended up here. A tiny conference in Fargo. I read the small print and it said, “All applicants will get access to the recordings.” I thought, this is amazing! A whole host of knowledge in one place, knowledge we know we need at You Can Hub right now. Crowdfunding, writing, creating a business that moulds to the life you want to lead, and makes a difference in the world. And I can fill in one short form with two questions, and get access to recordings and all that stuff? Win win! I filled out the application in quite a blase playful way. You can read the application in this post.

Cut to two weeks later. I’m sitting up in bed on a Saturday morning with a cup of tea. I write a little in my journal, the briefly check my emails. Something catches my eye – an email with no subject from someone called Melissa Leon. I recognise the surname but I can’t place it. I open the message. I turn to my husband and say, “Shit!” He says, “What?!” I say, “Shit, I’ve got a place at a conference in Fargo at the end of May.” He says, “What?!” This went on for some time. At this point is seems better to hand over to Melissa herself and her email to me:

Hey Lou it is great to see you here! Thank you for submitting to attend Misfit Conf: Fargo. I wanted to reach out to you because as we were sorting through and reviewing all the applications we received so far – yours really stuck out. Wow I am just blown away by your application and the courage that you are taking to make Misfit Conf Fargo a reality. As you said it is time to take the gloves off Lou! Needless to say we would love for you to come to Fargo! To confirm your spot at Misfit Conf please purchase your ticket by the end of the day next Tuesday.

No pressure then. Two days to work out if we could make this happen and if I could go – knowing that we didn’t have any money in the pot at You Can Hub to fund the ticket or flights…

I was gobsmacked. How had this happened? I wasn’t supposed to actually get a place, merely be unsuccessful in my application and then be able to access the recordings from the relative comfort of my own sofa. My husband and I talked it through over the weekend, and then I had a meeting of the You Can Check It Out Team on Monday. I presented them with what had happened and the aims of the conference. I told them I had worked out that if I got 30 people to each donate £50, I could do it – I could get to Fargo. They told me to go for it! And I got my first donor. And so, I was taking my first steps on my way to Fargo… and it was time for the fear to kick in!

So there you go – I’d thrown my hat into the ring for an off-the-wall conference in the middle of nowhere, and the You Can Hub team was now going to hold me accountable in raising funds to get to the conference and bring back some top-notch learning. In my next post, I’ll let you know how I ended up in a field full of cows in Cambridge wearing a cape, and what I learned about asking for help.

Excited to read the next step? Sign up for our mailing list to get a heads up when the next post is up – straight into your inbox!

**Update!** You can now read Part Two: Inviting People In by clicking here.

You can still make a donation to support our work by clicking here.

You can also listen to me talking about this on the social media show #TSMShow with Ann Hawkins and Eric Swain – and the great thing is my friend Martyn Sibley, whose nonchalant tweet led me to finding out about conference, features on the show too! Click the link!

Hi there! I’m back! Back from my whirlwind trip to Fargo, North Dakota, to meet with and learn from a merry band of Misfits all keen to make a dent in the Universe. “Warning: This is not a conference for normal people!”

In my first post making sense of what I’ve just experienced, I’ve been inspired by this post by fellow Misfit and speaker at the conference, Jason Sadler*. He writes about feeling lost after the conference, starting on a journey to find his passion. It’s a journey I started back in 2010 when I was put at risk of redundancy in a job I’d grown bored of. Five of us, all at risk of redundancy or looking for change, started meeting once a month, bringing and sharing food and asking big questions, like:

• “What am I really good at?”
• “What do I really love to do?”
• “What do I really hate to do?”
• “What am I going to do next?”

Cut to three years later, and back in March this year, our very own Mel made a presentation to the You Can Check It Out team. She was talking about her experience so far being a Director of this very organisation that we founded back in 2011, as a result of our early gatherings. She said,