Hi there! I’m back! Back from my whirlwind trip to Fargo, North Dakota, to meet with and learn from a merry band of Misfits all keen to make a dent in the Universe. “Warning: This is not a conference for normal people!”
In my first post making sense of what I’ve just experienced, I’ve been inspired by this post by fellow Misfit and speaker at the conference, Jason Sadler*. He writes about feeling lost after the conference, starting on a journey to find his passion. It’s a journey I started back in 2010 when I was put at risk of redundancy in a job I’d grown bored of. Five of us, all at risk of redundancy or looking for change, started meeting once a month, bringing and sharing food and asking big questions, like:
“What am I really good at?”
“What do I really love to do?”
“What do I really hate to do?”
“What am I going to do next?”
Cut to three years later, and back in March this year, our very own Mel made a presentation to the You Can Check It Out team. She was talking about her experience so far being a Director of this very organisation that we founded back in 2011, as a result of our early gatherings. She said,
“Sometimes in life, I feel a little lost. The world stops making sense. I am overwhelmed with emotions – frustration, drive, confusion, passion, anger, love, fear, self doubt, excitement – all at the same time! It’s like a big explosion in my head! Every way I turn there seems to be a big brick wall blocking my way. Everyone I talk to looks at me with pitying eyes. “This is just the way it is Mel, get used to it” but I don’t believe it, there must be another way. So I keep looking, searching, wandering, I’m scared and alone.”
Mel gave us an awesome visual metaphor – the maze. In life, it can seem like we’re constantly looking for the exit door, the way out, searching for “that thing” that we can’t yet name. When I look back over the last 2 – 3 years, I’ve spent so much of it feeling lost. Maybe you’re expecting me to say, “So I can help you – I can help you find your way out of the maze, and move from feeling lost to found. Follow our twelve step programme! And look, here I am on the other side of the maze wall, waving to you and showing you the exit door!” But that isn’t how this particular story ends. There’s no limited offer to get the programme reduced from $97 down to $49 until midnight tonight.
The fact is, I’m still in the maze. I don’t have it all figured out. And when I watched Mel’s presentation, I had a realisation. What if the maze is all there is? What’s so bad about that? And if the maze is all there is, what would I do? Would I spend my whole time searching frantically for the exit? Would I just give up and quit – sit around twiddling my thumbs? Or maybe, neither of those things – instead, looked around, explore and say, “How can I make this bit of the maze better?” In her presentation, Mel goes on to talk about the people that she’s found who are also looking, searching, wandering – and Jason comes to this conclusion at the end of his post too, “Let’s not do this alone, let’s find out passions together.”
The amazing thing about being part of the You Can Hub and travelling to events like Misfit Conf is exactly this – finding other people who are also in the maze. The maze of trying and doing and learning, moving towards doing more of what they love, making a difference in the world, and earning a living along the way. And my major realisation is this – the maze is where the learning is. Do I really want to be out of the maze – with it all figured out? Wouldn’t that be kind of boring? So here I am – actually able to go, “Yay, I’m lost!” – revelling in the feeling, knowing that it means I’m learning and stretching and on a path to something that has not yet been named. So, Jason, this is for you. Welcome to the maze! Grab a (ginger) beer! Find your five people to share in the adventure – invite them in too!
Here’s to the maze explorers. We don’t have all the answers. There is no maze map. We’re charting our own course, making it up as we go along, learning wherever we can, making a difference where we can. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The amazing portrait of Lou looking a little lost is by Photographer and Fellow Misfit Israel Smith: http://www.facebook.com/isphotographers He took it shortly after Lou arrived in Fargo after a challenging journey.
*Jason Sadler has changed his name to Jason Headsetsdotcom for 2013. You can read more about this here: https://buymylastname.com/
Hi everyone, I’m Mel. And in true Danger Lou style I’m taking the terrifying plunge of getting infront of a video camera so that I can share with you why I think Danger Lou is about more than one person… why I think Danger Lou is so exciting that I reached into my very limited pocket and have helped fund it – yep, I’m one of the Misfit 30! Enjoy!
Every good super hero needs a nemesis – whether it’s Superman and Lex Luther, Batman and the Joker, Wonder Woman and (..umm… well, you get the idea), any superhero worth their salt is working tirelessly to make sure their nemesis fails in their world-dominating quest.
So it’s time to reveal Danger Lou’s nemesis…
… The Robot of Mediocrity!
Tell us what you think in the comments below or join the conversation over on our facebook page.
Every good super hero needs a nemesis – whether it’s Superman and Lex Luther, Batman and the Joker, Wonder Woman and (..umm… well, you get the idea), any superhero worth their salt is working tirelessly to make sure their nemesis fails in their world-dominating quest.
So it’s time to reveal Danger Lou’s nemesis…
… The Robot of Mediocrity!
Tell us what you think in the comments below or join the conversation over on our facebook page.
On the eve of the launch of the Danger Lou trailer, it seems appropriate to talk about fear. I feel like I’m at the start of something and I don’t know where it will lead me. Putting Danger Lou out there and committing to taking more risks in my life and work. Committing to kicking ass and holding myself accountable, taking the gloves off… scary stuff! Hello inner chicken…
What does fear feel like? I find it pretty difficult to describe my emotions. I was discussing this with Ruth from You Can on Monday – that with big emotions, it’s just so difficult to find the words! Thankfully, I found the words I needed from someone else. Karen McMillan, Retreat Muse, and I had a conversation via email about flying by the seat of your pants, which she calls…
“Scary fabulous!”
This is such a perfect phrase! Right now, I feel like I’m at the start of something amazing. I’m doing a lot of new stuff lately; getting fit and learning to pitch and trying out a comedy workshop (more on these experiments later). And there’s more new stuff coming:
Flying on my own for the first time
Going to America for the first time
Making the most of Misfit Conf where I’ll be at a tiny conference about making a huge dent in the Universe (warning – this is not a conference for normal people)
What I feel is a mix of excitement and apprehension. It’s like being a child in the run up to Christmas. Except in this version of Christmas, the presents will be so much better than material things like a Barbie house or an iPad or a Smurf doll or a Rubix Cube – they will be gifts of learning and skills and things I can’t even imagine right now. However, lurking in the background there is also a chance that when it comes to Christmas day, Santa Claus might turn out to be the Big Bad Wolf from Little Red Riding Hood… Scary fabulous!
Karen explained some more:
“Scary fabulous came to me a year or two ago while sharing with my then MasterMind circle (we’d been together 3 years and I was comfy). Now I still say it, and when things get really scary, remind myself, “It’s OK. Just lean more into the fabulous!”
Lean more into the fabulous.
I hope I’m going to remember this in the coming months, embracing Danger Lou, flying by the seat of my pants. What makes you feel scared? How do you put it into words? What do you do that helps?
One of the things that I have been struggling with is liking myself, and being kind to myself. It’s a topic I first introduced here and I don’t feel I’ve finished exploring it yet. Then I came across this recent campaign by Dove; the video started going the rounds last week and has now racked up over 21.5 million watches (accurate at the time of writing). If you haven’t seen it, the first thing to do is take a look and take a moment to register your own reaction:
What do you think?
Seemingly there has been a mixed reaction to the campaign; the comment thread on the Dove site for the campaign makes interesting reading. There’s also a version with men instead of women:
OK – I tricked you a little with that one – it definitely made me giggle!
Behind the original version and the parody, there is actually a serious point. Research shows that young women tend to think of themselves as worse-looking than they really are, while young men tend to think of themselves as better looking than they really are (though maybe not to the extent shown in the parody).
This is not a new study; it goes all the way back to 2003 (see the Guardian link below for the full details) and actually we replicated the results in my Psychology class during my degree. That’s 10 years ago. The question is, has anything really changed since then? I’m still working out how to like myself (most days) and feel confident in me as a whole person, including all the different dimensions of me and the complexity that brings. I do find that Simon’s words still help me when I’m having a bad day – “It’s not about me, it’s about us.”
As the campaign for Misfit Fargo begins, I am already taking the gloves off, talking to more people about what we’re doing and how this campaign fits in, and holding myself more accountable. I had a great conversation with Adelina from Presenting Good Practice who wanted to know more about what I will learn at the Conference, so I thought I’d share my reflections of my response. Danger Lou would definitely not be afraid to put her thoughts on tape. Cue VT…
Here’s what I committed to in my successful application:
Tell us a little about yourself
Three years ago, five of us, all either at risk of redundancy or just wanting a change, wanting something different, started to come together once a month over a shared meal. We called ourselves the Change the World Gang. Ambitious, hey?
We started with each other, supporting each other through this time of transition. A few months later, I’d started a new job and then almost immediately quit and had really bad whiplash from a car accident. Since then, I’ve been on an incredible journey. I co-founded this not-for-profit, The You Can Hub, with fellow Change the Worlders. Together, we have helped over 300 people in Cambridgeshire to cycle, many of whom thought they couldn’t, or hadn’t cycled for a very long time. It started Small, with one person – Aaran, who couldn’t cycle a two wheeled bike.
I was pretty proud of what we’d achieved. Then in October my dad was diagnosed with brain tumours. He died seven months later, two days before I turned 30. It totally shifted my perspective. What I’ve done so far seems mediocre. This coming May, it will be the one year anniversary of my dad’s death. I will turn 31. I want to celebrate by kicking ass.
What do you hope to get from Misfit Conf: Fargo?
I want to reveal my inner superhero – Danger Lou. We’ve made a little dink in the Universe. It’s time to look at the dink and see how it could become a dent. Enterprise in the UK is obsessed with scale. I don’t want to “scale up” what we’ve been doing at You Can. I want to look at what is Small about what we’ve done so far, and see where to go from here. I want to push past the shame and celebrate, get more confident in my voice and not censor myself… I want to take the gloves off! I want to return to Cambridge ready to start a (Small) revolution. I know that I’m making choices that are safe right now. I acknowledge the value in being aware of that. I want to come back from Fargo dangerous, and contagious.
The real question is – do you want to experience Contagious Danger? Catch the Danger Virus yourself? What would your dangerous alter ego be capable of?
Recently the amazing Vanessa Chase over at Philanthropy for All shared a most incredible Ted talk by Amanda Palmer on the art of asking. I invite you to watch it and share your thoughts and experiences of asking.
What stands out to me in this video? She asks for help. She asks frequently. She isn’t ashamed. And she receives help, thanks people, and connects with them.
She speaks about the direct connection that you get with people through asking and receiving. That asking for help is not a shameful thing, nor is it a one way relationship. She tells stories of using the internet and tools like Twitter to enable this. How they give her fans the abilities to help her out with advice, food, and so much more and to feel valuable in return.
Is this fair?
Amanda gives the example of couchsurfing with a family who slept on their couches so that she and her band could take the beds. ‘Is this fair?’ she asked herself – and the response is incredible. In the morning, the mom thanks her for the music she sings, as it has truly helped her daughter. She thanks her for choosing their house to sleep in. The act of accepting help from this family was accepting a thank you. It was saying to them that they are incredible. Amanda and her band got a bed for the night but that family, they got just as much, if not more.
Independence, by flickr user dougtone
An obsession with Independence
And yet, so often people seem ashamed to ask for help, worried that we will be putting someone out, that they will only say yes because they feel they have to. And receiving help is often even harder. We seem to have a culture of independence first whenever possible – ‘no thanks, I can do that myself’. And yet, we seem to be avoiding the well known fact that the world, and all of us within it, are interdependent – we depend on each other. We forget that asking for help can in fact be a gift to that other person. By asking we are saying ‘I trust you and you have something of incredible value to me – you are important and valuable’. And then they give….and they feel good.
Why do people give their time, money, skills, food, beds etc? – Why wouldn’t we? When we give, we feel good….so we give more.
With this in mind, by not asking for help (and showing much gratitude when it is given) do we not deprive people of the most amazing feeling in the world – to feel good about themselves?
What would happen if we starting asking everyone for help – even those who life has given an abundance of challenges?
And now let’s relate this to people ‘experiencing disadvantage’. Maybe they have a low income, a disability, mental illness, or have just had a rough time in life. How much do we ask them for help? We give it, yes, but when do we ask for it? ‘These people have so little, is it fair to ask?’. But by not asking what are we saying to them? Are we not inadvertently saying ‘you don’t have anything to give, you are not valuable’?
Asking is not begging – it’s about community
Begging is when we ask for something for ‘those poor people’. You give because you feel bad for someone, because you feel you have more than them and want to share. The feel good factor is not an even street.
Asking is different. It is about asking someone to share their valuable skills, resources, etc. Asking is an opportunity for both parties. Asking is about community. Each and every one of us asking, receiving and giving. All of us feeling good for it.
Why we are not a charity
In our Check It Out Team, everyone gives and receives
Unfortunately, often charities are associated with the begging definition above. We at The You Can Hub have purposely decided not to be a charity for this very reason. We feel uncomfortable with concept of asking or giving out of pity. We want to do things differently. We value community and believe that together, anything is possible. We believe that everyone can live a life we love but that to achieve this, we need to work together. We need to ask for help, give help, receive help and be extremely grateful for this whole cycle. We believe that everyone has something of value, something to give and that everyone needs a bit of help to get over life’s challenges. We are not us and them….we are just us.
We are always looking for new and wonderful ways to fund our work. So, slowly we are learning the art of asking. We are setting up crowdfunding tools like localgiving, experimenting with different campaigns and recently we have even started playing with a Give What You Like model with some our consultancy work.
Agree? Intrigued? Join us!
So we invite you to help us, join us. We want to connect with you. You are valuable. Your community needs you. And in return you will get smiles, and laughs and big high fives and thank you’s to no end…and we will help you feel comfortable with asking for help when you need it too. You give, you feel. You get, you feel. And isn’t feeling good what life is really all about?
Three years ago, we started something amazing with a small group of incredible people. There were five of us, all either at risk of redundancy, wanting a change, wanting something different. So, we came together once a month over a shared meal and called ourselves the Change the World Gang. We had big ambitions but we didn’t start with the world. We started small, with each other – supporting each other through a time of transition. Since then, we co-founded this very out of the ordinary not-for-profit.
If you know The You Can Hub, you know that we’re not your usual not-for-profit. That last year our first birthday involved making superhero capes. That most of us are overly fond of ginger beer, we share our secrets and our meetings often involve talk of The Hulk and Mission Impossible. That our registered address is the local community pub where the villagers came together to save it from closure and are now the shareholders – and where my husband and I held the music festival part of our wedding last year (and got shares in the pub as a wedding gift). You’ll know that we have passion and purpose and that we’re working out how to live a life we love while helping you figure it out too. That we include people who are excluded elsewhere and emphasize the power of community, connections and ‘doing’ together. That we look for the impossible and work out how to make it possible.
This Spring, I have been offered an incredible opportunity. I have been invited to join 29 other people who think like we do and to gain a whole host of new knowledge and skills at the Misfits Conference in Fargo. It’s ‘a tiny conference about making a huge dent in the universe’. With topics like The Economics of Crazy and Writing Your Own Revolution, I’m fairly sure I’m going to come back a changed person – revealing my inner super hero, Danger Lou. Check out my successful application here: Lou Misfits Conf Application
This is where I get to be vulnerable. To make it there, I need your help. This is my impossible – I can’t do it without you. Think of it like enabling a huge amount of inspiration that will come back to you through post-event blog and video posts, in person socials and so much more.
Will you help me to reveal my inner superhero, and come back from Fargo dangerous and contagious? If you read my application, you’ll know that 30 seems to be a pretty important number to me right now. So I’m looking for 30 people to back this Misfit-Adventure by donating just £50. I want to be able to know you all by name and either physically / virtually give you a hand shake.
Will you be one of the thirty? Contact us as soon as possible if you want to be one of the 30 – use our contact form (scroll down) and put “Hell yeah Danger Lou!” at the start of your comment or tweet us @youcanhub with the hashtags #dangerlou #imin. I can’t wait to hear from you! Check out the full low down on the Misfit Conference here: http://aj-leon.com/misfit-conf/ Oh, and thanks to Danger Mouse for the inspiration! Watch out for more posts from me on revealing my inner super hero coming soon…
What would it mean to reveal your inner super hero?
**Update** There is now a donation link available here for you to make your donation directly. And if you’re a UK taxpayer, you have the added benefit of Giftaid! Click the button… and make sure to include the message “Hell Yeah Danger Lou” with your donation!
The first step to meeting the challenge of change is to start liking yourself. To do that, stop thinking in terms of “you”, and start thinking in terms of “us”. Together we’re strong, apart we’re weak.
– Simon Weston – pictured at the end of the video
I find that quote amazing in and of itself. I also find that quote amazing because when we explored the meaning of “impossible” in our You Can Check It Out team meeting, this same theme came up.
Having someone else helps. Someone to reassure you. Someone who shares your interest. Maybe someone who’s trying to do what you’re doing too, and exploring similar goals. Maybe someone who’s done it before and can show you some of the smaller steps.
When we think about “Us,” everything seems easier. So how about it. Fancy joining us?
Note: I got to hear Simon speak because I’m currently being seconded to the Realife Trust for a Vodafone World of Difference placement – which you can keep up to date with here: Vodafone World of Difference.
